One of the people whom I considered a best friend 4 years ago that then betrayed me (though it was by no means totally his fault), entered my life again, after two years of minimal communication, a few weeks ago. This week, I met him for lunch. I was an emotional mess! I didn't know whether I could even trust the guy (and I am still working on that). I was pleasantly surprised. He was still a flirt and still rough around the edges (though who am I to talk about any of that!), but God has done some awesome things with him. He apologized for the way he had treated me and he was more than willing to be open with me. For someone who is as blunt as I am, that is a big deal. Plus, he has never, ever, apologized for anything in my memory! We laughed, we talked, and when I shut down, he didn't criticize me. God works in weird and wonderful ways sometimes.
I also felt like this week was a week of good byes. I applied for another job. I love the people I work with at BT's Deli, but it is not the place I originally applied to. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I do not feel like I am wanted there. That hurts.....a lot. These people were like family to me when I first started working there, but drama, deceit, and the ebb and flow of life changed that. I don't know whether I will get this new job, regardless, I won't quit my old job, but 3-4 hours a week isn't much. God holds me in His hands, it is just sometimes heartbreaking when something turns out to be so very different than you ever imagined it would be.
Good-byes have never been easy for me because I get attached so fast. I make connections and then they're gone in the blink of an eye. Two of my dear mentors are moving on in the journey God has called them to. It brings tears to my eyes to even just type this. I have known this was coming for months, but it hit home this week.
Poppa and Cathe entered my life at a time when I thought my life was pretty well put together. I never thought they would come to mean so much to me in such a short time. When my perfect little bubble burst, they were the ones who supported me, listened to me, and were there when I needed someone the most. They told me I was beautiful. They showed me it by listening and accepting me unconditionally. They are God's angels. I never knew just how crazy God was about me until they came into my life. I selfishly wish they could stay because I love them so much and it is hard to see a future where I cannot go to them for refuge. Phone calls and emails just don't express emotions as well. However, I am so, so, excited to see how God will use them to touch other's lives. These people are so precious and I know that nothing in all this world will ever stop them from being on fire for God! Praise the Lord for that! Who am I to try and stop the plans of God?!
In conclusion, this week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have laughed and cried. I am sure there are quite a few more tears that I need to shed that I cannot shed yet. I have said "Welcome back" and "Goodbye." In all this, God is faithful. I serve a God of the good and the bad. He works all things for good. It doesn't diminish the pain, but it does give me hope. Hope that God has a plan and that there is something bigger than me. THAT is something worth holding onto, my friends.....
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