As I said in my last post, I have learned a lot of things this summer. Today I want to tell you about a boy that we will call Jacob and how his story changed the way I looked at the importance of my thoughts and words.
One week of camp, I had this phenomenal group. They were on the younger side but extremely hard working and more than willing to learn. They came from a poorer community and many of the youth were being fully funded by their church to be in attendance. This really spoke to me and how the body of Christ is called to support each other.
There was one boy in particular that stood out to me in this group. From the minute I met him, I knew something was off. He seemed distant and almost off balance. As the week went on, this pattern continued. I would ask him to go get me a hammer, telling him where it was. He would come back fifteen minutes later empty handed saying that he couldn't find it. I would go looking and the hammer was exactly where I had said it would be. I would give him some nails to hammer in and it would take him at least fifteen minutes to get in just one nail.
As this continued, I became frustrated. I didn't say anything but in my head I wondered what was wrong with this child? Why was he not getting it? I wondered if he was mentally handicapped or perhaps just lazy. My frustrations would occasionally rise near the surface and I would consider saying something, but I never did.
The group completed the week incredibly well, but Jacob still miffed me.
As the group was packing up that Saturday, I had the chance to talk with one of the chaperones as we waited for the youth to bring down their luggage. Somehow we got on the topic of Jacob.
The chaperone revealed to me a story that both stunned and convicted me.
Just over a year earlier, Jacob had seen his father shoot his mother in cold blood. A month later, his brother was killed in a freak accident on a motorcycle. The boy was currently living with his grandparents, but they were not well.
After the group left, I went back to my room and fell to my knees. All week long I had assumed this boy was handicapped or lazy. Some might say I was being too hard on myself; how could I have known Jacob's story?
That isn't a valid excuse in my mind though. Every person we meet is fighting some kind of battle or had been through something that changed them. We don't always (usually) know those battles. While I may have never said anything directly unkind to Jacob, my tone was certainly not always patient and my thoughts were certainly not always kind.
Psalm 19:14 talks about, "the words of our mouth and the meditations of my heart being pleasing to God."
Our thoughts matter, as much, if not more than our words. What is in our head and heart comes out in our actions and words. We don't know the battles people may be fighting. That is why it is so important to be patient and kind. God's command to love is not limited to action, but in word and thought.
God used Jacob to convict me of the fact that my thoughts (the meditations of my heart) are important. Even if no one else knows the "meditations of my heart," God does. May my prayer be the same as the Psalmist.
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