I spent my summer climbing on roofs, ministering to homeowners, making late night McDonalds runs, worshiping my Savior every night, performing crazy skits, and doing meaningful work.
Then I came home. Everyone who has done TEAMeffort before warned me that it would be hard. Little did I know.
At first, it was easy. I am taking a gap year. I applied for a job position at the YMCA that seemed perfect for me. Only problem is, they never called me back.
Without a job, I was left doing odd jobs around the house and throwing myself into whatever I could find. After a summer of running around non-stop and doing work that had tangible results, going back to real life struck me as dull and boring.
The theme of the summer was Pray As You Go. Each night, we focused on one of the words and how they related to our lives and circumstances. Every week for eight weeks I heard the same message. Monday night we focused on Pray and the story of Jesus in the Garden prior to His death. Jesus prayed for God's will to be done.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42
If Jesus, the Son of God, had to pray for God's will to be done, wouldn't it make it all that more important for us, as mere humans, to pray for God's will to be done?
It's a powerful and awesome story and Spencer, one of my team, presented it in such a way where it really came to life. I can't think of anyone who could have done a better job with that particular night.
However, in my own life, saying "Not my will, but God's will be done" is hard! I am a headstrong person. I don't like not knowing what the future holds. I don't like doing mundane tasks when I feel they have little purpose. I like exciting and adventurous. I like tangible results. I like feeling like a crucial part of a team.
When we say, "Not my will, but God's will be done," we are forced to let go of our ego. We are forced to let go of our plans, our dreams, and anything we feel entitled to. That doesn't mean God won't fulfill our dreams and plans, but it does mean that we put ourselves into God's hands and leave everything there. It isn't comfortable or easy.
Sometimes it means being content with the mundane. Sometimes it means doing a job that is less "perfect" for me and more uncomfortable. Sometimes it means doing your best in this moment and trusting God with every moment from here on out.
I share this because I struggle with this. I love the Lord with everything I am, but I am not a fan of this season. It isn't the first time that I have struggled against the will of God in a certain season. A few times I have even lashed out at God. I have cried, yelled, and finally come to my knees.
I want to follow God, but the uncomfortable is ... well, uncomfortable.
That doesn't make it any less crucial though. True obedience is following Christ wherever He may lead. It is abiding in God's will even when it hurts our pride and may require great sacrifice. It is abiding in God's will in faith and with a sense of contentment.
As Corrie ten Boom said, " the center of God's will is the safest place that we can be."
I have a long way to go before I will truthfully be able to say that I desire God's will and will abide in it no matter where He calls me or what He calls me to. However, in this season, I will fix my eyes on Christ.
May the desire of my heart be like Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
And may my prayer look similar to Jonathan Edwards',
"I claim no right to myself – no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me; neither do I have any right to this body or its members – no right to this tongue, to these hands, feet, ears, or eyes. I have given myself clear away and not retained anything of my own.
I have been to God this morning and told Him I have given myself wholly to Him. I have given every power, so that for the future I claim no right to myself in any respect. I have expressly promised Him, for by His grace I will not fail. I take Him as my whole portion and felicity, looking upon nothing else as any part of my happiness.
His law is the constant rule of my obedience. I will fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil to the end of my life. I will adhere to the faith of the Gospel, however hazardous and difficult the profession and practice of it may be."
When I chose to follow Christ, I lost all rights to myself. May His will, not mine, be done.
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