Thy Will Be Done

I spent my summer climbing on roofs, ministering to homeowners, making late night McDonalds runs, worshiping my Savior every night, performing crazy skits, and doing meaningful work.

Then I came home. Everyone who has done TEAMeffort before warned me that it would be hard. Little did I know.

At first, it was easy. I am taking a gap year. I applied for a job position at the YMCA that seemed perfect for me. Only problem is, they never called me back.

 

Without a job, I was left doing odd jobs around the house and throwing myself into whatever I could find. After a summer of running around non-stop and doing work that had tangible results, going back to real life struck me as dull and boring.

The theme of the summer was Pray As You Go. Each night, we focused on one of the words and how they related to our lives and circumstances. Every week for eight weeks I heard the same message. Monday night we focused on Pray and the story of Jesus in the Garden prior to His death. Jesus prayed for God's will to be done.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

If Jesus, the Son of God, had to pray for God's will to be done, wouldn't it make it all that more important for us, as mere humans, to pray for God's will to be done?

It's a powerful and awesome story and Spencer, one of my team, presented it in such a way where it really came to life. I can't think of anyone who could have done a better job with that particular night.

However, in my own life, saying "Not my will, but God's will be done" is hard! I am a headstrong person. I don't like not knowing what the future holds. I don't like doing mundane tasks when I feel they have little purpose. I like exciting and adventurous.  I like tangible results. I like feeling like a crucial part of a team.

When we say, "Not my will, but God's will be done," we are forced to let go of our ego. We are forced to let go of our plans, our dreams, and anything we feel entitled to. That doesn't mean God won't fulfill our dreams and plans, but it does mean that we put ourselves into God's hands and leave everything there. It isn't comfortable or easy.

Sometimes it means being content with the mundane. Sometimes it means doing a job that is less "perfect" for me and more uncomfortable. Sometimes it means doing your best in this moment and trusting God with every moment from here on out.

I share this because I struggle with this. I love the Lord with everything I am, but I am not a fan of this season. It isn't the first time that I have struggled against the will of God in a certain season. A few times I have even lashed out at God. I have cried, yelled, and finally come to my knees.

I want to follow God, but the uncomfortable is ... well, uncomfortable.

That doesn't make it any less crucial though. True obedience is following Christ wherever He may lead. It is abiding in God's will even when it hurts our pride and may require great sacrifice. It is abiding in God's will in faith and with a sense of contentment.

As Corrie ten Boom said, " the center of God's will is the safest place that we can be."

I have a long way to go before I will truthfully be able to say that I desire God's will and will abide in it no matter where He calls me or what He calls me to. However, in this season, I will fix my eyes on Christ.

May the desire of my heart be like Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

And may my prayer look similar to Jonathan Edwards',

"I claim no right to myself – no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me; neither do I have any right to this body or its members – no right to this tongue, to these hands, feet, ears, or eyes. I have given myself clear away and not retained anything of my own.

I have been to God this morning and told Him I have given myself wholly to Him. I have given every power, so that for the future I claim no right to myself in any respect. I have expressly promised Him, for by His grace I will not fail. I take Him as my whole portion and felicity, looking upon nothing else as any part of my happiness.

His law is the constant rule of my obedience. I will fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil to the end of my life. I will adhere to the faith of the Gospel, however hazardous and difficult the profession and practice of it may be."

 

When I chose to follow Christ, I lost all rights to myself. May His will, not mine, be done.

 

 

Spiritual Warfare: A Very Real Battle

Today I am going to share another camp story. This one is different than the rest in that this was something we dwelt with all summer. For some, it may be a challenging story to read. Please read this post with a sense of seriousness.

 

The story I am going to tell you revolves around the topic of spiritual warfare.

 

Before I begin, I would like to first define what spiritual warfare is. The short definition is: Spiritual warfare is the very real battle that goes on between good and evil.

 

Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

 

Bluntly put: As long as God exists and Christians actively seek to serve Him, evil will exist. Satan is against anyone who is for God and he will use any means (people, circumstances, our weaknesses, our emotions, etc.) against us to detour us from serving God.

 

The primary purpose of man is to bring glory to God and those who pursue that frustrate the Devil's ploys. Revelation 20 talks about how God will ultimately, at the end of time as we know it, win against the Devil. Good will overcome evil and God gets the last word. However, while we live in a fallen world, where God is not worshiped by all and where Satan has some degree of power, we have to fight against spiritual warfare.

 

I have always had a strong belief that spiritual warfare existed, but never had I seen it as evidently as I did this summer.

 

Prior to campers arriving in Copperhill, we had a set up week. Each day we would work long hours to prepare for campers to arrive the following week. Our camp is one of the largest TEAMeffort camps and hence we had an awesome opportunity to be a light to hundreds of campers and show them Jesus.

 

One night we were up late at the chapel practicing songs and getting the media all set up. It got to be about ten o' clock and some of us decided to wrap it up and call it a night.

 

I volunteered to go to the tool shed that was nearby to put something away. Due to it being dark and I being unfamiliar with the area, I ended up going the wrong way and wandering around a bit before I realized that I had gone the opposite direction of the tool shed. I found the tool shed and put what I needed away and headed back to the chapel.

 

Once back at the chapel, about half of the staff loaded into one of the cars to go back up to the house. The other staff stayed behind to finish wrapping up a few things. I was in the car headed back up to the house.

 

We got only a little ways down the trail when we realized we had forgotten something. The driver went to back the car up and as we were doing so, the entire back half of the car collapsed. It was like the ground had been pulled out from underneath us.

 

When we got out of the car (very carefully) to see what had happened, we saw that the car had fallen into a gigantic sink hole. The back half of the car was completely in the hole and the front end was sticking up on the edge.

 

The entire time, all of us staff were pretty shaken. I was shaken, but it had little to do with having been in the car when we fell into the sink hole. Where we had fallen in was the same ground I had walked on earlier when I got lost. What is more, the minute before we fell in, I had this sense of intense evil around us. That feeling only intensified when I got out of the car.

 

We ended walking back up to the house because there was nothing we could do about the car that night. The entire time, I was shaking. I could feel the presence of evil so vividly that it scared me. I started to pray.

 

James 4:7 says that when we resist the Devil, he will flee. Ephesians 6:13 talks of us putting the armor of God in order to resist the Devil. Luke 10:19 says that God has given us authority over the Devil because of Christ within us. 1 John 5:4 says that our faith has overcome the world (and Satan is a very real part of this world). 1 Timothy 1:18-19 talks of Paul commanding Timothy to "wage the good warfare." Finally 1 Timothy 6:12 commands us to "fight the good fight."

 

I believe that one of the biggest weapons against spiritual warfare that we have is prayer. All night and into the early hours of the morning I prayed. Around four a.m. I finally felt that the battle had been won for the time being and that I could rest. It was then that I slept.

 

That was probably the biggest example of spiritual warfare that I experienced all summer, but it certainly was not the only experience. All summer the Devil tried to frustrate, cause tensions, interrupt, and destroy. Some days it felt like he was winning. Ultimately though, I can look back and see how God ALWAYS had the final word.

 

God had the victory.

 

God showed up and showed off.

 

God was and is always faithful!

The Meditations of my Heart

As I said in my last post, I have learned a lot of things this summer. Today I want to tell you about a boy that we will call Jacob and how his story changed the way I looked at the importance of my thoughts and words.

One week of camp, I had this phenomenal group. They were on the younger side but extremely hard working and more than willing to learn. They came from a poorer community and many of the youth were being fully funded by their church to be in attendance. This really spoke to me and how the body of Christ is called to support each other.

There was one boy in particular that stood out to me in this group. From the minute I met him, I knew something was off. He seemed distant and almost off balance. As the week went on, this pattern continued. I would ask him to go get me a hammer, telling him where it was. He would come back fifteen minutes later empty handed saying that he couldn't find it. I would go looking and the hammer was exactly where I had said it would be. I would give him some nails to hammer in and it would take him at least fifteen minutes to get in just one nail.

As this continued, I became frustrated. I didn't say anything but in my head I wondered what was wrong with this child? Why was he not getting it? I wondered if he was mentally handicapped or perhaps just lazy. My frustrations would occasionally rise near the surface and I would consider saying something, but I never did.

The group completed the week incredibly well, but Jacob still miffed me.

As the group was packing up that Saturday, I had the chance to talk with one of the chaperones as we waited for the youth to bring down their luggage. Somehow we got on the topic of Jacob.

The chaperone revealed to me a story that both stunned and convicted me. 

 

Just over a year earlier, Jacob had seen his father shoot his mother in cold blood. A month later, his brother was killed in a freak accident on a motorcycle. The boy was currently living with his grandparents, but they were not well.

After the group left, I went back to my room and fell to my knees. All week long I had assumed this boy was handicapped or lazy. Some might say I was being too hard on myself; how could I have known Jacob's story?

 

That isn't a valid excuse in my mind though. Every person we meet is fighting some kind of battle or had been through something that changed them. We don't always (usually) know those battles. While I may have never said anything directly unkind to Jacob, my tone was certainly not always patient and my thoughts were certainly not always kind.

 

Psalm 19:14 talks about, "the words of our mouth and the meditations of my heart being pleasing to God."

 

Our thoughts matter, as much, if not more than our words. What is in our head and heart comes out in our actions and words. We don't know the battles people may be fighting. That is why it is so important to be patient and kind. God's command to love is not limited to action, but in word and thought.

 

God used Jacob to convict me of the fact that my thoughts (the meditations of my heart) are important. Even if no one else knows the "meditations of my heart," God does. May my prayer be the same as the Psalmist.

A Life Changing Summer

We all have had experiences that are forever etched in our memory. Experiences that changed us, humbled us, and brought us face to face with our fears. This summer was packed with those kinds of experiences.

 

If you have been following me on social media, you know that I have been working for a Christian mission's camp called TEAMeffort. TEAMeffort works in rural areas with middle school and high school students from church youth groups all across the country to meet physical needs and then meet the spiritual needs of people in overlooked areas within the U.S. (primarily). I was located in Copperhill, Tennessee this summer and had the pleasure of having my own worksite. By the way, did I mention that TEAMeffort is mainly construction based?

 

That's right. The girl who didn't know the difference between a phillips head screwdriver and a flat head screwdriver at the beginning of the summer got to teach kids how to use a saw and put boards together to build a 12x18 shed with a lean-to on the back and also put a roof on a house.

 

What I learned construction wise is really not what changed my life. Over and over and over again, God showed up and showed off. That's what changed my life.

 

TEAMeffort's theme for this summer was "Pray As You Go." Let me tell you something, I prayed a lot this summer. Last summer when I worked at Boy Scout camp, I thought I was as far out of my comfort zone as I could get. This summer proved that theory wrong. 

 

Without God, I would not have made it through this summer.

 

He was my strength when I was so bone tired that I couldn't think straight.

 

He was my encouragement when everything around me went wrong.

 

He was my voice every Wednesday night when I got up on stage and talked about our identity in Christ and how loved we are by God.

 

He was my Creator who showed me the beauty of His creation day in and day out. 

 

He was my King who was worthy of worship every time we sang songs of praise and came together in prayer.

 

He was my Father who protected me countless times.

 

He was my friend who loved me with an everlasting love and held me accountable for my words, thoughts and actions.

 

I could spend a lot of time telling you what I did this summer, but that would be under false pretenses. Truth is, I didn't do this. God did this.

 

In the next few weeks, I hope to share some of what God did this summer and share some of the stories of how God changed me and those around me.

"For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God."
Romans 1:20 NLT

A Graduation Post: God Is Faithful

Today, I officially graduate from high school.

 

I feel like I am writing about someone else with that sentence. I am no longer a high school student. I am a high school graduate. Goodness, that is such a loaded title.

 

The big question that every graduate gets asked is: What's next? Truth is, I don't know.

 

In less than two weeks, I start my summer job with TEAMeffort Christian camps, but come mid-August, I will be back to where I am now: Praying and taking each step in faith. My plan is to return from my camp experience and take a gap year from school. During that gap year, I want to get a job and do some job shadowing to get a better idea of what I could spend the rest of my life doing.

 

The unknown is never a comfortable thing to walk in and I find that this is no exception. Not knowing what I am going to do is terrifying. I want to make a difference. I want to follow God. I want to love on people. I want to have a family. I want to be a woman of character.

 

I know that God knows those desires and though it is a scary time, this is also an exciting time. The adventures God has in store for me are bound to be full of growing, learning, and proof of God's faithfulness.

 

Speaking of God's faithfulness, I have been thinking a lot lately about how faithful God has been in my life. I have seen and experienced a lot in my eighteen years. Through it all God has been faithful.

 

• In late elementary school and through middle school I struggled with my self worth. I turned to cutting as an escape from reality. God brought people into my life that constantly confirmed my worth and value, not only as a Child of God, but as a person who could and would do great things. 

 

• My Sophomore year of high school, my family went through a dark season. All the things I had ever felt secure in, came into question. My brother battled depression and the road we traveled was full of lots of heartache and tears. God brought people to encourage me and help my family in this season. In everything, God met our needs and my faith became my own. No longer did I just believe in God because it was what seemed to be expected of me. I believed in God because He had become my hope and I had seen His faithfulness.

 

• My Junior year of high school, I struggled to keep up with all my school work. Most of the time, I felt like I was drowning more than swimming. There were a lot of long days and late nights. God constantly gave me perseverance though and rest that I desperately needed. The summer of my Junior year, I had an amazing experience working at a Boy Scout camp. I learned and grew a lot.

 

• This past Senior year, I dated a great guy. Unfortunately, things did not work out, as we disagreed on some important issues. I struggled again with my self worth and I questioned God's plan. In this time, God brought people into my life that overwhelmed me with love. My self confidence really grew and I learned to stop being so hard on myself. In addition, God constantly confirmed my choice to believe in Him and do what I believe is right, even though it is often hard and unpopular.

 

I could keep going with stories of God's faithfulness, but this blog post would go on for awhile. If I could leave you with one thing from this post though it would be that I am proof of God's faithfulness. I have seen His faithfulness in my life. As I continue to walk this journey, there are many unknowns, but this I know: My God WILL be faithful.

 

I will finish this post with a verse that has been a constant in my life for many years and that hangs right by my bedroom door in a frame as a constant reminder of God's faithfulness.

 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!

Lamentations 3:22-23

 

 

 

Lessons from the Birds

Birds are an object of fascination in my house. We have a series of birdfeeders in our back yard and a big window to watch them from. From chickadees to robins to wrens to cowbirds to blue birds; you name it, we probably have seen them! Each bird is so unique.

 

Matthew 10:29 talks about how God cares for the birds: “What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.”

God cares for each bird and I think we can learn from them.

 

Geese: These big birds always stick together. Very rarely do you see a single goose; they’re usually in pairs. They eat together. Nest together. Fly together. Protect each other. They are a family and a team. They have each other’s backs.

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”

Blue jays and mockingbirds: These birds are feisty! They chase away anything that they think may threaten their territory, even if that thing may be much larger than itself. They are bold and don’t let evil overcome them. By doing this, predators that could do harm tend to flee or just avoid them all together!

 

James 4:7 says, “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

 

Cardinals: Even in the winter, these birds stand out. They’re bright red color speaks for them and provides some cheer on bleak or snowy days. They also are very self-sacrificing birds. When they have babies, they pluck each other to provide soft feathers for their nests. They use what they have to provide for their families.

Deuteronomy 16:17 says, “All must give as they are able, according to the blessings given to them by the LORD your God.”

Blue birds: These birds are so cheary! Not only are they beautiful, but they have such a pretty chirp. Bluebirds were known for bringing happiness in ancient China because wherever they went, a joyful song followed.

Psalm 100:2 says, “Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”

Robins: These energetic birds are constantly looking for food, usually worms. When it rains, they are the first ones out looking for worms that may have come out of the ground. When they are not looking for food, they are building and adding to their nests with twigs and sticks and anything else they can find. I don’t think I have ever seen a robin just sunning himself; they are always keeping busy with something!

Proverbs 14:23 says, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”

All these birds and more can teach us valuable lessons. God cares for each bird and He cares for us too.

Matthew 6:26 says, “Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?”

Birdseed may be for the birds, but Christ came for us and He promises to take care of our every need. In that, we can put our hope.

Convicted: Jesus Washed His Disciples Feet

Every New Year's Day, my local church sponsors a group of ladies with a foundation called CARITAS. These ladies come from all kinds of backgrounds, mostly rough ones. Many have been abused or have various drug and substance abuse related issues. Some of them have been thrown out of their homes and shunned by their family.

 

These women, more so than some of us, know what it is to crave love because they have been rejected for so long. Many understand the desperate need we all have for hope. Most of them are Christians already or very open to hearing about the Gospel.  

 

Over the course of New Year's Day, church members are invited to come and play board games with these women, eat with them, talk to them, and fellowship with them. This year I decided to go.

 

A team of volunteers served the ladies lunch and then one of the ladies volunteering pulled out a bag of nail polish. She asked if anyone wanted their nails painted. At first, some of the CARITAS ladies were cautious, but the more we talked to them and pampered them, the more they opened up about themselves.

 

The stories shared in that room are not ones that I can share on this blog, but needless to say, many of them were heart-wrenching.

 

In the middle of all this, one of the CARITAS ladies asked if I might be able to paint her toe nails. Up until that point, the lady who brought the nail polish and I had only been painting fingernails.

 

One thing ya'll should know is that I hate feet. I hate touching feet. I hate feet being on me. I hate the feel of feet and the smell of feet. Feet just are not my thing. I am happy to paint my own toe nails, but in that moment where I was asked to paint someone else's toe nails, I balked.

 

In my head, there was a battle that went on. Every excuse imaginable came to mind as to why I could not and would not paint these women's feet. The arguments in my head were silenced, however, when I felt the Holy Spirit remind me of the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet.

 

Jesus. The Man who died on a cross for me. Jesus. My Creator and Redeemer. Jesus. The whole reason I was even in this place. Jesus. The Man who washed dirty feet.

 

In that moment, shame engulfed me. As long as I could be comfortable, I was willing to serve, but the minute I was asked to do something that might be hard for me, I made up excuses.

 

Jesus is the most selfless and loving person to ever walk this earth, yet He never demanded thanks or applause. He took on the form of a servant, though He holds all authority in Heaven and earth in His hands.

 

If Jesus could wash dirty feet, was it really too much to ask for me to paint these women's feet? Is any task that I am asked to do beyond me in light of the fact that Jesus washed feet and even died for me?

 

Sometimes Christ washes our feet and sometimes He calls us to be His hands and feet and serve others.

 

With that conviction on my heart, I knelt down and painted these women's feet. Over six women asked if I could paint their feet that day. Tears streamed down many of their faces as I painted their nails. One woman said that she felt like Jesus was painting her feet.

 

I think that day, He may have been.

 

"When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.  “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

John 13:12-17